Straight Outta The MS Delta- The John C. Cox Newsletter- Vol. 2, Issue 3– I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag, of the United Zoom of America
“There is an ocean of silence between us… and I am drowning in it.” —Ranata Suzuki
Every January, I travel to Destin, Florida to play in a fantastic tennis tournament called the Hubert Kessler-Betsy Dyer Memorial. Created by my friend Gaines Dyer as a team-tennis event with 4 teams comprised of 13 players battling each other, this year’s tournament featured players from 8 different states including many members of their respective states’ Tennis Halls of Fame. In other words, other than myself, there are some big names on the court every year.
I’ve been coming to this tournament since 2013, and every year it tops my list of my favorite trips. My wife teases me about the “old man tournament” in Florida, and honestly, she is probably correct in that regard. The tournament field is not getting younger. But the real reason I come back, year after year, are the relationships. The tennis is great, the venue is better, but the friendship is priceless. In this bizarro post-mid-pre pandemic culture, I have come to treasure the camaraderie more than ever. I only see a majority of these guys once a year, but once we all arrive, we pick up quickly where we left off the previous years. The tournament staff rarely changes, and they greet all of us every year as if were relatives coming home for the holidays. The director even inquires about my children (by name) the moment I walk in the pro shop. We have those shared memories of being together. Even though we have adjusted formats and installed the necessary precautions, the pandemic has not stopped the tournament. This special group still gathers together, and the show does, indeed, go on. Tennis is safer than most, and no one has figured out how to play the sport via Zoom or Google Meet yet.
Yet.
It’s no secret we live in a world that has been forced to stay inside and live behind computer screens and smart phones. Understand that I am not a proponent of ignoring COVID. I understand the need to be safe, and the pandemic is real. I just can’t help but wonder whether our new normal is now the permanent new normal. Has the pandemic made hermit culture the only culture?
I have had four conferences cancelled in the last year, and we have all participated in more video calls than we can count. Hell, I specifically built our new office conference room last year with Zoom hearings in mind. My oldest son was selected to the HOBY youth leadership program last summer. For years, alumni of that program have preached to me how they made lifelong connections because of their involvement with HOBY. My son was forced to participate via Zoom while sitting in his own bedroom for a weekend last summer. I’m not so sure it is a lasting memory for him. Similarly, he has applied for two other prestigious summer academic programs for this summer. I have serious doubts whether those programs will be in-person. While he is adding things to his resume, it’s the worst kind of resume stuffer. Will he really get any benefit from these programs if he is accepted and has to go online again? I don’t know. But he’s got something to check on a box in the future.
I have grown weary of the Zoom culture. I just think we are eating away at our most valuable asset- our shared humanity. Texting has replaced talking. Social media likes have taken the place of friendship. Hell, on its surface, none of my friends need to call or actually see me in the flesh to check on my well-being. Folks can look at my social media (or subscribe to this newsletter) and know how I’m doing. But can they really? Or do they just see what I want them to see? What happened to making and sustaining human connections by actual conversation and meetings?
Will it ever return? I don’t know. I’m a simple country lawyer, and not a social scientist. But I would be willing to wager we have some variant of COVID with us just as we have the common cold and the flu. I’m hopeful at some point we feel secure enough to move forward and try to begin life again. But will the new normal be more of the same? Are we changed forever? Zoom culture has shown us the show can go on, albeit in a different and probably more convenient format. We can sit in the comforts of our home and talk to a screen for an hour or two a day and never have to worry about our people skills. Is that good? Or is all this videoconferencing going to turn us into a lazy, thoughtless society who would just as soon sit in our boxer shorts on mute than actually get to know each other on a real level?
Thomas Wolfe famously said you can’t go home again. Thomas must have seen the pandemic coming. Someone needs to him we might not can go home again, but we can always Zoom together.
All Hail Queen Lucy
It’s worth the 6 minutes to watch this video. Lusia Harris did two cool things in the late 1970’s. She put Delta State on the map and changed the entire freaking sport of women’s basketball. RIP, Lucy. You were the GOAT.
Glorious. Simply Glorious.
The Cox Family Fast Food Fantasy Draft
Bored the other night at the Cox household, we held the first-ever Fast Food Fantasy Draft. The only rule- You can pick one item per round from any fast food menu and try to assemble the best “team” possible. Yes, I know it’s weird but it was pretty fun. What’s your lineup?
Here’s the draft. [BTW, I like to consider my last pick of the Burger King chicken sandwich as the Tom Brady of this draft. It was late, and it doesn’t look like much on the surface, but I feel it might turn out to be the Greatest of All Time. Dear God, I ate thousands of these sandwiches in high school.]
1) Walker- McDonald’s Big Mac
2) JC- Wendy’s Baconnator
3) Ashley- Sonic cheeseburger
4) John- Chicken McNuggets with Hot Mustard sauce.
5) John- Taco Bell Mexican Pizza
6) Ashley- Wendy’s spicy chicken sandwich
7) JC- Taco Bell Nacho fries
8) Walker- Chik-Fil-A chicken sandwich
9) Walker- Wendy’s spicy chicken nuggets
10) JC- Chik-Fil-A nuggets
11) Ashley- Taco Bell Crunchwrap Supreme
12) John- BYB’s Miz Grazi Chili-cheese fries
13) John- Whataburger Honey Biscuit
14) Ashley- McDonald’s French Fries
15) JC- Zaxby’s barbecue chicken wings
16) Walker— Sonic Frito Chili Pie
17) Walker- Five Guys French fries
18) JC- Five Guys bacon cheeseburger
19) Ashley- Sonic Oreo Blast
20) John- Burger King Original Chicken Sandwich with cheese
10 Questions with . . .
Ashley Massengale, Attorney, Tennis Player, Volunteer, & Mom.
My friend Ashley Massengale is nothing if not educated. She received her undergraduate degree from Yale University (where she lettered in varsity tennis) before going to Duke for her law degree. She is a huge New Orleans Saints fan (I forgive her), and is an active tennis player and volunteer, serving as past President of USTA Georgia and as a current member of the USTA Southern Board of Directors. Ashley and her wife, Laura, live in Atlanta with their son, Cam. Ashley is Assistant General Counsel for Porsche Cars North America, and is definitely one of my favorite friends. She’s always interesting and ready with a thoughtful opinion or a positive word of encouragement.
What made you choose your career path and when did you know you were going to go down that road?
AM: Both my parents were lawyers, and my mom went to law school when I entered high school, so it was very familiar to me. I thought that’s what I would do when I went to college, but by the time I left, it was the farthest thing from my mind. I had a short career in sports marketing and consultancy in NY and LA but after 3 years I realized I wanted something that really challenged me intellectually…so I applied to law school and moved back to the South.
What's the best piece of advice you have ever received?
AM: “Life is short. Say yes!”
Do you consider yourself more of a Cameron Crazy or an Ivy Leaguer?
AM: I’m fanatic about my sports teams so I guess that makes me more of a Cameron Crazy.
You have a toddler. What’s something about parenthood you wish someone would have told you before you became a mother?
AM: Trips are not vacations – they are parenting in a different location.
Favorite book of all time and why?
AM: A Lesson Before Dying by Ernest Gaines was the first book to ever really move me. I re-read it from time to time and it always gets me.
You can eat dinner with any five people in history. Name your five.
AM: Barack Obama. Oprah Winfrey. Brene Brown. Bill Clinton. My dad. Most people choose deceased leaders and intellectuals from throughout history but I’ve got shot at dinner with 4 of my 5 still!
We have one day and night. What’s the perfect day in New Orleans? Places to visit, eat, etc.
AM: I would start with breakfast at Café du Monde. I love beignets so much I named my last dog after them! I’d stroll around the French quarter and window shop, listening to street musicians and taking in the architecture. If lunch is downtown, I’d grab a shrimp po-boy at Johnny’s (or a debris po-boy at Mother’s) and then do more walking around before grabbing a hurricane and singing along at the piano bar at Pat O’ Brien’s. If I could go uptown, I’d grab a shrimp po-boy at Domilise’s and then spend the afternoon shopping on Magazine Street. Somewhere along the way, you’ve got to have a daiquiri. For dinner uptown, I’d go to either Commander’s Palace or Clancy’s. For dinner downtown, Cochon. Places to try and squeeze in that evening: the Columns Hotel bar and the Maple Leaf uptown and/or the Absinthe House, Napoleon House and Frenchman Street if downtown.
If you weren’t doing what you do now, then what would you be doing for a living?
AM: I wish I was a travel writer but I’m too practical.
What made you start volunteer in tennis? Where is tennis in the United States in 10 years?
AM: I was looking for something to do outside of practicing law and I had just started playing tennis again after a long hiatus when I stumbled upon USTA Atlanta. I applied for the Board and was selected – probably the first person in history to come completely out of nowhere to volunteer. Ten years ago(ish) our membership and participation numbers were at an all-time high, and I’d like to see us back up to where we were or even higher ten years from now.
College football or basketball? Why?
AM: I was raised a rabid Saints fan so professional football always outranked college in our house (we do love LSU though). My dad is from Kentucky so I was also raised in a college basketball-obsessed family. Unfortunately for them, for most of my life I cheered for Duke not Kentucky.
If You Like Good Writing . . .
This underdog Southern band is getting a well-deserved victory lap by Matt Wake, al.com, January 11, 2022. I’ve written before about my love for the rock band Drivin’n’Cryin. Amazingly, they’re still going all of these years later.
Sidney Poitier rarely spoke of that dark night in Mississippi by Robert F. Darden, Dallas Morning News, January 8, 2022. My home state’s skeletons are everywhere and sometimes not buried very well. Interesting story about the late great Sidney Poitier and a harrowing night in the Mississippi Delta.
How Jessica Simpson Almost Lost Her Name by Stephanie Clifford and Eliza Ronalds-Hannan, Bloomsburg Businessweek, January 5, 2022. Whew boy. You business geeks settle in for a good story about the peaks and valleys of the Jessica Simpson empire. She’s always been a bit of an enigma to me and this article cast her in a different light in my eyes.
In Baton Rouge, there’s a $100 million football coach and everyone else by Kent Babb, Washington Post, January 5, 2022. Kent Babb is a really engaging reporter and he dives headfirst in the upside down world of college athletics and skewed priorities/salaries. It’s worth the read.
Imagining a “Second Civil War” is a Lost Cause by Richard Kreitner, Slate, January 17, 2022. Here’s an interesting review of a new book by Stephen Marche which talks about the feasibility of a second fissure of our Union. Like I said, pretty interesting stuff.
Who Is King of Florida? Tensions Rise Between Trump and a Former Acolyte by Jonathan Martin and Maggie Haberman, New York Times, January 16, 2022. Not so hot take- Joe Biden is very vulnerable in 2024. But does the GOP just send Trump back to the plate or does it find another standard bearer? And will Trump allow someone else to take his place at the top? Hello, Governor DeSantis.
First and 10: Be careful, ACC. Greg Sankey will get an expanded Playoff -- with or without you by Matt Hayes, Saturday Down South, January 17, 2022. SEC commissioner Greg Sankey- he just means more.
Classic Writing
The Old Man by Larry L. King, Harper’s Magazine, April 1971. One of my goals in life would be to write as well as Larry L. King. King (not the dude on CNN in suspenders trying to tongue-kiss Bette Midler) was the writer of many plays and essays, including Best Little Whorehouse in Texas. He was a writer for Willie Morris’s Harper’s in the late 1960’s, and he crushes this long story about his father. Growing up sometimes means growing away, but that doesn’t mean you don’t always take a piece of your parents with -you everywhere. At some point, we all say goodbye to them, but we never forget our time together. Take a minute and read this incredible work.
Soundtrack of the Week— Meat Loaf
Godspeed, Mr. Loaf. What a voice.